Twitter? Me? Really?

I'm not someone that you would ever consider to be on the leading edge of the world's technological advancements, okay? I know how to use my computer, sort of, at least for the things I use it for: Writing, researching, maintaining my website, and getting my daily dose of Myspace and Facebook. But it's not like Stephen Jobs is ever going to ring me up and ask my opinion on anything.

So maybe it only makes sense that I don't understand the latest sensation, the Twitter craze. Maybe the light bulb will go on with me someday, typically a couple of years after everyone else, and I will begin tweeting like mad, updating my thousands of followers on every facet of my fascinating existence.

But the problem with that is, what the hell am I going to tweet about?

I guess I can kind of understand normal folks following the every move of famous people in our celebrity-crazed culture. It seems there are plenty of people who want to be updated the minute Britney buys a new pair of panties or Tyra Banks throws another camera at someone or any Hollywood superstar says something vacuous and stupid (Any time, in other words).

Sure, there's a market for that. Who doesn't want to be informed when Brad and Angie are going out the front door to attend a $10,000 fundraiser in support of some nutty politician or the latest PC craze?*

But that doesn't mean anyone wants to hear about my life.

"Getting ready to eat lunch. Should I go with the fish sticks or the mac and cheese? Hmm. Can't decide." Or maybe, "Saw 86 vanity license plates on my drive to work today! A personal best!" Or I could blow my followers away with this one: "Feeling a little gassy after that lunch of fish sticks and mac and cheese - clear a path to the men's room!"

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating what it would be like a little bit. I don't even like fish sticks. But still, who is going to follow my Twitter updates? I can admit it, I'm a pretty boring guy. I work forty hours a week at a job I've done for twenty-seven years, I try to raise my kids the best I can, and I write. I love to write. Exciting, isn't it? I know, it's sending chills up and down your spine.

Oh well, like I said, maybe I'll get the attraction of Twitter in a few years. When I do, watch out; you're going to learn my every waking thought. Yikes.

*I admit it - I have no idea whether Brad and Angie are even still together or whether they have ever attended a $10,000 fundraiser to support some nutty politician or the latest PC craze. I was just playing the odds.