Thursday, December 25, 2008

Peace on Earth and Comfortable Socks

Okay, so one of the presents I received this year on Christmas morning was a pair of socks - actually, it was three pairs of socks - and I have to tell you, these socks are unbelievable.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Just how old do you have to be to get socks for Christmas and be all excited? What's next, a cane? A walker? Depends undergarments?

Believe me, I know just how ridiculous it sounds to be going on and on about socks, but still, these things are awesome. For one thing, they are suitable for work. Before the silly changes my employer mandated two years ago, all I ever used to wear to work were white athletic socks, since all I ever wore over them were jeans and sneakers.

Now, however, the geniuses in charge of my agency have decided that all air traffic controllers must dress "business casual," never mind the fact that we don't deal face-to-face with a single customer all day, and that we work inside a dark room surrounded by barbed wire fences and guarded by men with guns. "Business casual," whatever that means, is now the order of the day, and has been since September 2, 2006.

These socks I got for Christmas can be worn with my khakis, which are now all I ever wear to work, and they look great. Not only that, they feel great. I pulled them on for the first time and suddenly understood why all those Wall Street types lie, cheat and steal all day - So they can make enough money to buy socks like these!

Donald Trump probably wears nicer socks when he's just hanging around the house in his underwear watching football every Sunday, but for me, these things were like a little slice of heaven. Not only are they comfortable, they have little tiny holes all through them for ventilation. The holes are invisible to anyone admiring you in your new socks, but believe me, you can tell they're there. My feet stay nice and dry, even when I'm wearing shoes in the house, which, as most people know, is the kiss of death if you're stuck with feet that tend to sweat a lot, as mine do. (Sorry for being so graphic)

Unfortunately, I can't recommend them to you by brand-name, because I tore them out of the packaging and threw it away before I tried them out, and as far as I can tell, there is no logo on them or any sort of identification whatsoever, which I suppose must be another sign that they are really fancy socks.

All I can tell you is that they have a gold toe and are, in fact, called "Gold Toe" socks. Who manufactures them is anyone's guess, but if you happen to be walking around the mall and see socks called "Gold Toe" for sale, do yourself a favor and buy some immediately. You won't regret it if you're like me and you have to dress "Business Casual" for work. Whatever that means.

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