Adventures in email

I received a very distressing email this morning, informing me my entire career is at risk. The email came from Robert Reed of the American Institute of CPA's, and Robert told me...well, maybe you should read it yourself:

Dear valued AICPA member,

We have received a notice of your alleged assistance in income tax return fraud on behalf of one of your employees. According to AICPA Bylaw Paragraph 700 your Certified Public Accountant license can be cancelled in case of the fact of submitting of a incorrect or fraudulent tax return on the member's or a client's behalf.

Please find the complaint below and provide your feedback to it within 21 days. The failure to respond within this period will result in termination of your Accountant license.

Mr. Reed then very kindly provides a link below his notification, titled "Complaint.doc" for me to click on in order to provide my feedback. Within 21 days, of course, lest I risk termination of my Accountant license.

See what I mean? Distressing.

I'm apparently suffering from some sort of multiple personality affliction, becase I didn't even know I was an accountant! I don't remember going to accounting school or passing the accountancy exam. Hell, I barely even know how to use a calculator.

So to find myself at risk of losing this career I only just now discovered I have, well, that's the ultimate irony. And because I submitted "a incorrect or fraudulent tax return on the member's or a client's behalf."

Hard to believe, isn't it? Not only am I an accountant, but I have actual clients! If only my dad had lived to see this day.

I've never actually read AICPA Bylaw Paragraph 700, and only partly because I just discovered I'm a CPA twelve hours ago. Let's face it, I'm a lazy bastard, and even had I been aware all along of my wizardry with numbers, I probably would never have gotten all the way to Paragraph 700. I would have read through the first five or six Paragraphs and thrown the damn Bylaws aside. Who needs all those rules and regulations, anyway?

I checked the AICPA website and discovered, on their home page, a link stating, "Alert: Fraudulent 'Phishing' Scam Email Not from AICPA." Now, this is obviously important; you can tell by the generous use of capital letters.

So I ask you: How dare these Phishers try to take advantage of a longtime accountant like me? These people are messing with my livelihood, and all because of "the fact of submitting of a incorrect or fraudulent tax return..."

I don't know what I'm going to do yet. But on the bright side, I can't wait to attend the AICPA annual convention this summer. I hear those CPA's really know how to party.