As I write this, a travesty of epic proportion is occurring in this country, an injustice that must be remedied immediately. An innocent young woman - sorry, a "not-guilty" slut* - sits in a jail cell, falsely imprisoned for a crime she did not commit. Or at least, acquitted of a crime everyone who has been paying attention - except twelve people - knows she committed but the state couldn't prove.
In any event, this young woman - sorry, this "not-guilty" slut* - was convicted of nothing more than lying to police investigators, and, what the hell, everyone does that, right? Everybody lies to the cops. Caught speeding? Sorry, officer, I was late for work. Possession with intent to sell? Nah, come on, gimme a break, it was just for my personal use.
Besides, the innocent young woman - sorry, I keep making that mistake, the "not-guilty" slut* - suffers from the affliction of being a pathological liar**. The good folks at Merriam-Webster define "pathological" as "altered or caused by disease," or "being such to a degree that is extreme, excessive, or markedly abnormal."
Obviously, it would be unfair to expect a pathological liar** to tell the truth, particularly to law enforcement investigators who are desperate to find the innocent young woman's - sorry, did it again, "not-guilty" slut's* - missing child, who has been gone for over thirty days and the pathological liar** supposedly has no clue where she is.
Or maybe she really does know? She's a pathololgical liar**, after all, so who can say for sure?
In any event, all these messy charges involving a two year old child being murdered by the one person who is supposed to protect her, the tiny decomposing body stuffed into a laundry bag and carried around in the innocent young woman's - oops, the "not-guilty" slut's* - car before being dumped in a swamp like so much garbage, while she partied thirty nights away, no longer apply.
The unjust imprisonment of the innocent young woman - sorry, the "not-guilty" slut* - must end. Immediately. The definition of the word "slut" - again, according to the good folks at Merrian-Webster, is "a promiscuous woman, especially, prostitute."
Obviously, forcing this slut* to sit in jail for three years for a crime of which she is innocent - sorry, "not-guilty" - is a travesty of justice which must be rectified immediately. It is unfair in the extreme to expect a slut* to sit in jail, denied the companionship (at least of the male variety) she so much desires.
Release Casey Anthony immediately. There are clubs to dance in. There are hot body contests to compete in. There is a "beautiful life" to be lived. Well, at least for her.
*Slut - This is an indisputable legal fact, so entered into the record by Casey Anthony's own defense team.
**Pathological liar - This, too, is an indisputable legal fact, also entered into the record by Casey Anthony's own defense team.